Wednesday, July 27, 2011

{mermaid hair}

and so i dyed my hair.

oh, oops. i didn't start at the beginning. i started at the end. but the beginning really is a better place to, you know, begin. so:

i don't know if you know this, but there is a certain crazy freedom in getting over it. in getting over other peoples' opinions of you, getting over comparing yourself to other people. because all that really boils down to being afraid that you're not good enough for people and trying way too hard to be good enough for people and you should know: that's a really crappy way to go about living your life. 

i'm a paranoid person. i'm constantly afraid. what if there are robbers behind the hollyhocks in the back yard? what if the house blows up? what if the airbags in the car inflate for no good reason and break my face? 

barclay is constantly laughing at me; he's not scared of that stuff. his life is about 83% less stressful than mine because he hasn't even thought of the possibility that the house might blow up {even though it totally could, you guys}. 

he's only scared of things worth being scared of--you know, like if the earth opened up underneath his feet and there was a large dragon or something in there, he'd be scared. i think that's awesome. i want to be like that. 

because fear is debilitating. it rips your legs straight off your body. and i just don't feel like being scared that i'm not good enough anymore. it's not worth being scared about.

and this might seem like a really little, silly thing to you, but to kick off not being scared, i dyed {some of} my hair. 

it wasn't, like, this big dramatic "i'm a new person! i'm going to dye my hair!" it's just something i've always wanted to do {since grade 6} but worried about doing because i thought i might look funny. but i found the link to this site from srsly liz a few days after my "get over it" talk with julia and thought, "now's a good time for that. besides, it's just hair."

and because barclay is out of town {for work, rats!} i took some cheesy hair model pictures for him.
which you get to

sorry for the crappy web cam photos. i wish i had a real camera, so you could see all the colours. i'm SUCH a mermaid.

so who knew? not being scared is funner than being scared. 
and i'm not really talking about hair dye.