Thursday, October 13, 2011

{the thing that is worse than being in a waiting room}

the thing that is worse than being in a waiting room is being in a waiting room for a long time, and the thing that is worse than that is being in a waiting room for a long time while you have to pee.

i decide this.
i cross my legs.
that does not help.
why would it?
i uncross my legs.
i hold my breath which, incidentally, just makes me feel worse.

a man sits down beside me. he smells like a cigarette--i don't mean he smells like he's had a cigarette. i mean he smells like he is a cigarette.

a 267 lb cigarette with a beard and a ball cap.

i hold my breath.

shortly after my lungs turn black, the receptionist calls my name. i blow a smoke ring shaped like a doughnut and follow her back into the maze of examining rooms.

i wait some more. a lady walks past my examining room and pokes her head in. "the wait is the worst part, isn't it?" she asks. i can tell she had to wait. she's unhappy.

i say, "yes. especially when you have to go to the bathroom."

she swears and laughs and goes back to her room.

there is a tongue depressor on the floor by the garbage can. at this moment, there is nothing else grosser than that. a used tongue depressor on an examining room floor. i imagine picking it up and throwing it away. i stick my hands in my pockets.

there is a head dent on the "sanitary" paper on the examining table.

a head dent.

that is grosser.

i decide this.

if the doctor wants me to sit on the examining table, he's going to have to change that paper.


  1. Bleh! I'm sorry to hear that you had such a yucky day :(

  2. maybe this is part of why I'm scared to go to the doctor! So gross!

  3. None of that sounds fun.
    I'm sorry.

  4. Yuck! The thing that really stood out to me in the ER doctor's office was all the different sizes and styles of ... basically fishing line ... they had for stitches. There were like thirty different guages.

  5. That is a whole lot of worse than and grosser. Hope your day (and everything, really) got better!!

  6. Gosh, I can't tell you enough how much I LOVE the way you write! My favorite was the part about the cigarette man, of course. I hope everything turned out okay at the appointment! <3

  7. There is nothing worse than having to pee really bad and being trapped where you can't at least not in a socially acceptable. As the I need to go again girl on every road trip I empathize.

  8. Oh, yuck. I had the same thing in a waiting room a few weeks ago - I eventually had to ask the receptionist to listen for my name while I went to the loo (it was embarrassing but at least it got me away from the smelly people).

    Hope you're okay :)

  9. haha, thanks for the empathy guys. :) but i wasn't trying to come off as whiny...i just wanted to write something when i got home. :)

  10. SO true. So so so so sooooooooo true. Haha. & when someone walks by you or sits near you who smells just like a cigarette... bleh. Disgusting.


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