Tuesday, November 15, 2011

{imagine me and uvula}

i just had the most horrific experience involving my uvula.

{totally just dictionary dot commed the word "uvula" to make sure it was what i was thinking of before writing a whole post about it. it was.}


and, in case you had a stupid moment like i did and also wondered what "conical" could possibly have to do with the soft palate:

oh. duh.

so anyway. onward and upward. about that conical uvula.

i ate soup for lunch. but i hope you know that soup is always better with a heap of cheddar cheese on top, and i hope you know that i put extra cheese on everything that i put cheese on, and can therefore surmise that there was a good mount everest or so of cheddar cheese on my soup that i ate for lunch.

you guys.

it was fantastic the whole way through. the right amount of soupy, the right amount of cheesy. UNTIL THAT FATEFUL BITE.

the last bite.

i always save a good amount of cheese for my last bite so that i will end the meal on a perfect note, and this last bite was no exception. except, except, except that the cheese clumped into a ball and stuck to my uvula.

it was horrible. it just hung there, suspended precariously over that back part of my tongue that always makes me gag if anything touches it. i couldn't swallow, i couldn't cough it up, no amount of water chugged at top speed would wash it down. i tried gurgling with mouth wash. i tried gurgling with hot water. i tried gurgling with boiling water. it was almost exactly like that time i snorted a handful of pepper to make myself sneeze and almost died on the kitchen floor in a pitiful mess of hysterical laugh-sneezing. 

barclay didn't know what was going on. i yell-told him, "THERE IS A BUNCH OF CHEESE STUCK TO MY UVULA!"
he looked horrified. but he couldn't help me. no one could.

my friend, karlie, was at the door. i was mid-panic. "THERE IS A BUNCH OF CHEESE STUCK TO MY UVULA!" i yell-told her.
she laughed at me. that's what friends do, i guess.

anyways. the cheese slid the rest of the way down my throat about an hour later. so.

that was good, i guess.

i'm sorry if that grossed you out at all. i just needed to talk about it.

11 comments:

  1. Bawhaha...I laughed so hard i snorted! and then, just to keep the happy moment going, i re-read your pepper-snorting story and it made me cry, I was laughing so hard! So, thank you. Thank you for completely making my day!!!!!!

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  2. to be honest I still have no idea what the hell an uvula is. But I'm very sorry that happened to you.

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  3. Hahahahaha wow. That's ... weird.

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  4. crystal! i wish you were here! it was the weirdest thing i think i've ever felt.

    debbie: it's that boxing bag dangling in the back of your throat! :D

    nova: INDEED.

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  5. Well I definitely read vulva when I first started reading, so I'm super glad that's not what the story was about. I had no idea food could get stuck on your uvula it sounds totally disgusting, if not pretty hilarious. I'm glad you got it sorted though. Also, the pepper story is my all time favourite post of yours EVER. x

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  6. Yikes, that sounds like a horrifying experience... I hope it doesn't scar you for life and ruin cheesy soup for you! [I don't think anything could ruin cheese, though] Hope your Uvula recovers soon.

    Thanks for the comment, by the way. I am definitely going to take your advice. My best friend Jamie showed me your blog some time ago and I am head over heels in love with it. I love creativity and you are exploding with it. <3

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  7. hahaha oh man. that thing freaks me out. when i was little i used to stick my fingers in my throat and squeeze it. i'm sorry if THAT freaks you out.

    i can't believe you couldn't just swallow it off! that would be like getting popcorn stuck in your teeth and not having floss handy.

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  8. Hahahaha! I'm sorry. That must have been terrifying. :P That's never happened to me. It kinda reminds me of one time when I was eating taco salad too quickly and a small triangular piece of tortilla chip was scraping against the sides of my throat going down. :P Very painful.
    Haha, speaking of gross stories. :P

    I'm glad you survived! :)

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  9. suzy: ahhhh the pepper post. that was so painful. i'm such an idiot. :)

    tori: totally right--nothing could ruin cheese. i don't think. i hope. and thanks very much for the kind words. :) you're sweet. i'm glad to have found your blog!

    larissa: HOW did you squeeze it without throwing up??? i tried to get my finger in there to get the cheese off and almost threw up on karlie!

    emily: UGH! chips in the throat is the absolute WORST. worse than cheese uvula, absolutely.

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  10. Hahahaha I feel like we are very similar people...

    Sounds like a terrible experience though! Ugh, I can't believe cheese could cause something so bad, ha!

    Hope you don't experience it again! & WHOAAAAAAAA I can't imagine every squeezing it!!! (Totally reading the comments, ha!)

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  11. I KNOW. i could never squeeze my own uvula. never.

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