Tuesday, November 15, 2011

{imagine me and uvula}

i just had the most horrific experience involving my uvula.

{totally just dictionary dot commed the word "uvula" to make sure it was what i was thinking of before writing a whole post about it. it was.}


and, in case you had a stupid moment like i did and also wondered what "conical" could possibly have to do with the soft palate:

oh. duh.

so anyway. onward and upward. about that conical uvula.

i ate soup for lunch. but i hope you know that soup is always better with a heap of cheddar cheese on top, and i hope you know that i put extra cheese on everything that i put cheese on, and can therefore surmise that there was a good mount everest or so of cheddar cheese on my soup that i ate for lunch.

you guys.

it was fantastic the whole way through. the right amount of soupy, the right amount of cheesy. UNTIL THAT FATEFUL BITE.

the last bite.

i always save a good amount of cheese for my last bite so that i will end the meal on a perfect note, and this last bite was no exception. except, except, except that the cheese clumped into a ball and stuck to my uvula.

it was horrible. it just hung there, suspended precariously over that back part of my tongue that always makes me gag if anything touches it. i couldn't swallow, i couldn't cough it up, no amount of water chugged at top speed would wash it down. i tried gurgling with mouth wash. i tried gurgling with hot water. i tried gurgling with boiling water. it was almost exactly like that time i snorted a handful of pepper to make myself sneeze and almost died on the kitchen floor in a pitiful mess of hysterical laugh-sneezing. 

barclay didn't know what was going on. i yell-told him, "THERE IS A BUNCH OF CHEESE STUCK TO MY UVULA!"
he looked horrified. but he couldn't help me. no one could.

my friend, karlie, was at the door. i was mid-panic. "THERE IS A BUNCH OF CHEESE STUCK TO MY UVULA!" i yell-told her.
she laughed at me. that's what friends do, i guess.

anyways. the cheese slid the rest of the way down my throat about an hour later. so.

that was good, i guess.

i'm sorry if that grossed you out at all. i just needed to talk about it.