Sunday, January 01, 2012

{so this is the new year...and i have no resolution}

i'm not good at the whole new year thing. i'm overly sentimental and emotionally sticky. i think about the year that is rapidly charging to a close and how fast it went and how i've only got, like, 76 of those left. and that's if i live to be 100. that's if the house doesn't burn down with me in it, or if i don't get hit by a 16 year-old in a car that goes faster than he or she can handle while i'm crossing the street, or if the turbulence doesn't actually ever bring the plane down. i'm not scared of being physically dead, but the whole process of getting there kind of freaks me out. especially if i haven't done anything worthwhile on my way.

but the point really isn't that. i just always end up on morbid rabbit trails whenever i think about the future. or the lack there-of. sorry.

the point, though you probably couldn't tell, is that i don't, i never actually come out and make new year resolutions out loud, but subconsciously i think i've always made some sort of hybrid resolution/expectation. new year expectrolutions, if you will. {or even if you won't.} this year x will happen. this year will be more x. this year is going to be x.

like, one time in my life, x equalled getting engaged and married, and it happened. it was quick and it was according to plan and it was good. and like, sometimes x has equalled a change of job, scenery, living situation. and it's happened, and it's been good.

i guess the whole system could be good, you know, motivating and encouraging if i had absolute control over, you know, everything. and if i actually knew what was best for me. if this and that and whatever.

but sometimes x = something you can't even put your finger on, or something that you want but you can't make happen, or something that you want that isn't even good for you at the time. and in that case, what if x is your resolution or your expectation and it doesn't happen?

i guess where i'm going with this is that this year my resolution is to not have one. not that i don't want to grow, or do something cool, and not that i don't have things that i want to happen {i do, i do, and i do!}; i'm not so much talking about things that i can control, ways that i can improve and stuff that i need to work on; i'm talking about life. the stuff going on that only God can shift and change and do. i want to be absolutely, honestly, seriously content with where i am, and who i am, and what and who i have. i want to sit in it like an oversized beanbag chair and enjoy just being here instead of running around, up and down the stairs looking for things that aren't even in the house.


2012 might be easy. it might be hard. good or bad or weird or fun or short or long or whatever. but i'm sure i will be much more able to face whatever it is it's going to be if i don't have my heart set on what i think it should be.

they say not to wish your life away, maybe this is what they mean? "be where you are", "bloom where you're planted", etcetera.

anyway, happy new year and all that jazz, you know: may you run out into the wild 2012 with your arms flailing above you and your eyes wide open, happy to be on a good, level path if you've got one, but ready to hang-glide off a cliff if that's what's in front of you. or whatever. and stuff.

11 comments:

  1. Happy new year Suzy! I hope it ends up being a great one for you; there's a lot to be said for a zen approach of simply waiting to see what happens! I suspect you'll end up in the same successful place, but with a lot less stressing along the way. :)

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  2. This is lovely. I suppose I'd never thought about things just 'happening' to you that might make your year wonderful, things that you'd never even dreamed of at the beginning of the year.
    I wish you a very content 2012 whatever happens my dear :)

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  3. i have no resolution too. the worst part is i clearly didn't think anything, any x, this year. i was pass yesterday just like any other 2011 days, no special feeling. so thanks to you and thanks to this post, now i'm kinda feel the 2012 spirit to at least, be where i am ;) happy new year suzy!

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  4. I loved "i'm overly sentimental and emotionally sticky". I know exactly how that feels and I know exactly what you mean. Good luck with this new year :)

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  5. you're not alone.i can't think of any resolution as well,haha

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  6. This is great! I may have made some resolutions, but I like this post. I have goals that I would like to accomplish this year, but for the most part, taking 2012 as it comes and letting life happen... sounds good too. I definitely need to work on the "not wishing my life away part."

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  7. I usually make resolutions, but I rarely keep them.
    I like the organization of January 1st being a START, but it's just another way for me to make a list, since I'm a list person.
    Anthony says that people should be making and achieving goals all of the time, subconsciously and consciously. We don't need a new year to make that happen.
    Anyway, I hope you have a great 2012, and thanks for writing. Your side of the Internet is a nice place to be.

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  8. i get morbid about this stuff too usually. i like that though- sometimes x isn't something you need to define. you somehow know what it is and that it will happen or won't happen, and it doesn't need words to make sense. for me too many expectations just ruins things. i'm excited for 2012, but i think i'm most excited that i don't have any major expectations from it. i just want it to happen, i don't want it to be perfect. i don't want any more major events in my life. i just want to exist and see happens from there :)
    thank you for leaving such a sweet comment on my blog! i'm totally in love with yours!!

    gemma

    www.seacreaturess.blogspot.com

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  9. This is a mindset/goal I shall try to adopt as well... good stuff, Suzy. Good stuff indeed. :)

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  10. Happy very belated New Year!

    I loved this post and it rang so true with me.

    And I love your blog, I only wish I had found it sooner!

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