Monday, June 11, 2012

{hiding in the bathroom}

i was at a thing last night and about halfway through, stuff stopped making sense. i was holding a cup and a sugar cookie and trying to focus on a conversation with a friend about the summer and about our lives, something about our lives, when the voices of all of the people seemed to clump together into a single physical mass that hummed and hung over the room and drowned out its own words. i imagined i was inside of a beehive.

someone waved from across the room and i felt a hand on my shoulder from another direction. i listened to a funny story and tried to laugh in the right places and i ate the sugar cookie in three bites and took another one. so many smiles and nods and words. how do people do this again? even in this familiar place with these familiar people, i'd seemed to have forgotten.

finally i slipped away into the bathroom, where i sat on the sink and picked at split ends for a few minutes. i thought about another time i'd hid in the bathroom--in grade 11 or 12 when i'd heard that a girl much bigger than me was looking for me because she was going to beat me up. i'd been tipped off by one of my friends who was in the know and i was scared out of my mind that she was going to break my nose and knock my teeth out.

i thought about how funny it was that now i was hiding in the bathroom from a crowd of people who only wanted to talk to me and smile at me and tell me stories about their babies and their work and their weekends, not beat me up. i reminded myself that unless i tripped and fell face first into a wall, i'd leave with all my teeth intact and my nose unbroken. and that helped a little.
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however.

today, i am so happy to sit by myself a little while in my house with a cup of coffee and a few songs on repeat and putter away on some little watercolour pictures and household chores.

20 comments:

  1. This feeling happens to me so much when I'm in large groups of people- I can go from being very social to immediately needing to escape everyone because everything becomes so overwhelming and my brain feels like it's going to explode!

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    1. i'm glad i'm not the only one!!! haha i swing moods so fast it knocks my head off my shoulders!

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  2. I've been feeling this way as well after a lot of busy weekends. I try to slip away by myself or with Christian at least once during big events. It's always nice to find a quiet space to breathe in for a few moments before heading back into the fray :)

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    1. oh totally. even a few minutes can keep me hangin on for a bit longer. but if i don't get that break, i feel like i'm going to blow up!

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  3. Yes. I know this. I like to be alone and those few minutes in the bathroom are only understandable by those of us who need that peace and quiet to balance out the noise. I love your watercolors. You have mad talent.

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    1. aw, thanks larisaa!!! :) {and i'm glad you "get me"}

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  4. Oh, I've been that girl - I have those moments when I can't make out anything which is being said to me and it's all a little overwhelming. Hope you're enjoying your day to yourself.

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    1. man alive! more people feel this way than i thought. aren't you so glad we're all not the only one?

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  5. I don't think I've commented here before but I love your writing and your blog, this post reminds me of the first few lines in Elliott Smith's 'No Name no.1'. Don't know if you know it.

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    1. well thanks for speaking up! :) i might go see if i can find that book at my library today...

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  6. Yes. Sometimes I get through a Social Evening in the mind frame you perfectly described, and later I wonder, "I don't remember responding to that question or that person. I hope I didn't just stare blankly at the wall behind them and laugh two minutes too late."

    Beautiful painting.

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    1. YOU, carmen? i really did think you were the queen of conversation and socialization. i feel much better about all this now.
      phew. :)

      {and thank you.}

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  7. I hate that feeling. I love hiding in the bathroom, for what it's worth.

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    1. man, i wish all of us bathroom hiders lived closer together. imagine a social gathering of all bathroom hiders! short and sweet, probably.

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  8. I know this feeling, the feeling that life is beyond my control.

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    1. yep. which is true anyway, i guess?

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  9. I feel this way especially with certain people and I just want to escape and breathe--the joy of growing up :)

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    1. haha it must be a growing up thing hey? when i was little i was SUCH an extrovert...

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