Wednesday, September 05, 2012

{that blonde girl}

a friend texted me this picture the other day, and i thought i'd share it. besides, a few people were wondering what i was talking about a few posts back when i said i'd been "standing in a big glass box full of money with strangers gathered around me screaming, 'STUFF THE MONEY IN YOUR MOUTH!'"
i was downtown hanging out and listening to music on the plaza with some friends, when two girls in pink wigs approached me. they asked if i wanted some money and i said "sure," because that is a very good thing to say when someone asks if you want some money. but only if the inquiring person doesn't look very scary or sketchy or murderous. {and that is why i mentioned the pink wigs.}

they explained to me that i had to get into their glass box for one minute and that {fake} dollar bills would start to blow up from the floor and that they would write me a cheque equal to the amount that i grabbed.

i stood there for a second, skeptically. a few weeks ago, a girl had offered me free cirque du soleil tickets if i could double dutch successfully for 10 seconds. i'd drawn a crowd of people who'd laughed heartily at my expense and i'd almost fallen flat on my face and couldn't even last for two seconds and i'd made a complete fool of myself and hadn't gotten the tickets, and my consolation prize had been a red clown nose. it was awkward, at the very least.

but i'm over it now.

still. i don't want to be known as that blonde girl who always is doing embarrassing things on scarth street. but. i love free stuff more than i love not being known as that blonde girl who always is doing embarrassing things on scarth street.

so i signed the waiver form and jumped in the box and the fans fired up and suddenly there was just money, everywhere, like a dream. and all around the box, there were people. men in business suits and women in running shoes and teenagers holding sandwiches and kids with their pets and their parents, and everybody was looking at me, in the box, grabbing uselessly at the money, distracted by the guy in my peripheral screaming, "GET IT! GET IT! YEAHHHH! MONEY!"

but, as you can see {sort of} in the picture, it turns out that i'm kind of horrible at grabbing money out of the air. who knew? you can't really practise for this sort of thing. you don't sit in your living room over the air vent and some five dollar bills for an hour a day.

i flailed. i'd grab a bill and then it would blow away just as i reached for another. i started storing them under my chin and armpits, and then i worried that someone else had had that same idea and that i might have ones that had been under their armpits beneath my chin. gross. i turned around and around like dog chasing its tail. i sputtered as a wad of bills hit me in the face. ARMPIT MONEY. my hair got in my eyes and i couldn't see for a solid thirty seconds. it was not as bad as drooling all over myself in shoppers drug mart, but it was still, on some level, humiliating.

but i'm over it now.

anyway. i got my cheque in the mail yesterday for thirty bucks, and i think i am officially that blonde girl who always is doing embarrassing things on scarth street.