Friday, February 08, 2013

{an open letter to everybody, ever}

I have two of them myself 
And, boy, they sure are neat
But never, ever, any time
Would I touch my feet

I watch kids, they pick their feet
They pick them with bare hands
I watch dead skin cells flutter down
And who knows where they land

But adults, yes, they do it too--
They love to touch their toes
Dactyls dallying in diaphoresis 
Too strong for any nose

Your feet! They walk on bathroom floors!
They grow bacteria!
And when I watch you touch your feet,
I get hysteria.

This is not a joke.

Whether they tread on laminate
Carpet or concrete
Leave them there, do not bend down
Please don't touch your feet

This poem was inspired by three separate instances of foot-touching this week. You guys, feet are gross. Wash them, clip your toe nails, and then wash your hands with warm soapy water and leave them be. They are not toys; they are not pets. They are bacterial smorgasbords. Then you go and play in them and then touch the door handle. And then how do I get out of the house? You are gross.

Happy Friday.

12 comments:

  1. My kid bites her toenails. No joke. Makes me want to hurl. Kids are gross.

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  2. also, when you're in the bathroom and not playing with your feet you should STILL wash your hands because that's something that i was taught at like age 0 and i can't believe there are adults who still don't know to do this.

    i also can't stand when people touch their feet. just don't. gross.

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    Replies
    1. oh my goodness, YES. i feel like it's a common curtesy thing. like when people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, i feel like they think their germs aren't as bad as everyone else's.

      ew.

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  3. Haha TOTALLY! As I've gotten older I've turned into a huge germophobe...like when someone touches their foot and then touches something else time slows down like a movie. It's ridiculous.

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    Replies
    1. HAHA yes. time does slow down. and sometimes in that slow motion moment i imagine slapping people and yelling, "YOU ARE SO GROSS." but i wouldn't.

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  4. loooooool, the other day a creeper at the bar told my roommate that he would love to kiss her feet.

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    Replies
    1. EW WHY. did she slap him and yell, "YOU ARE SO GROSS"?

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  5. Replies
    1. ME TOO.
      but i like walking on them though.

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  6. I'm SO with you on this one! I hate feet... especially men's feet, urgh! xx

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    Replies
    1. haha YES MEN'S FEET. gross. thank you for agreeing with me.

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