So, I don't know if you remember this blog post from almost exactly a year ago (give or take 12 days). If you don't, you could go back and read it so that today's makes sense.
Long story short, the cable people did call back again. They offered me a little spot on a weekly entertainment show talking about live music and upcoming shows. And, like I promised, I said yes even though I still felt vastly under-qualified.
I went for coffee with the host and she reassured me that everything would be fine, "As long as you stop doing that with your hair." I let a twisted strand of hair drop from between my fingers, folded my hands in my lap and nodded dumbly. Yikes.As expected, the first few tapings were completely jurassic-shark-tornado-dentist terrifying for me. I shook and stuttered and said dumb things, played with my hair too much and didn't know what to do with my hands. I watched my first show with my parents in their hotel room one Thursday night when they were in town and found myself apologizing for my awkwardness over and over and saying, "I'll get better...I hope." It's amazing how many subconscious tics a person can have, how fast you can get talking when you're nervous, how hard it is to remember how you usually hold your mouth in between sentences. But at some point in there, I guess I just got used to things. I got used to the other people in the studio audience, and I got used to the mic and the cameras and the teleprompter, and I got used to hearing my recorded voice in front of other people (the ultimate in cringeworthy experiences, usually).
And the point after getting used to things is actually enjoying them.
I actually started to look forward to the green room meetings with that day's guests and meeting new people and getting constructive criticism and working on a new "skill" that I didn't really ever see myself needing or using, but which is pretty dang fun. I write my own script now and compile my own video clips, usually minutes before actually rushing downtown to the taping.
Anyway, we just wrapped up Season 1 last Wednesday, and the producer has offered me my very own half hour show all about live music. I don't know if I'll go for it, just because it seems like quite a big commitment, but at least if I say no, it won't be out of fear or whatever. Because fear is a stupid motivation for anything. The only thing fear should motivate you to do is run away from knives and sharks.