Wednesday, January 01, 2014

{2013}

 photo EB82F6DE-F321-4DE6-8A90-CA303D7F989D-487-0000005D988F19C9_zps3ab95105.jpg So this is the new year, and I have no resolutions.

It seems like 2013 wasn't very nice to a lot of my friends. My Facebook news feed is full of "Good riddance!"-es and "So happy to leave that year behind!"-s. I feel kind of like that one person walking out of the movie theatre after seeing a movie they just loved while everyone around them is talking about how horrible it was.  Because I really quite appreciated 2013.  photo 0AB076B3-FEB2-4AD4-AEF7-7BF56C098537-237-00000025CB2B21D2_zps622ad628.jpg I've never really been a "year" person. I mean, how could a whole year be deemed, in its entirety, either good or bad? I've had single days that were good and then bad and then great and then horrible and then awesome and then miserable. And a year has 365 days in it.  But there was something different and strange and sweet about this one. Not that there weren't hard or sad or scary moments. Just that, when I look back on it, those moments seem distant and dried up and unimportant, and the ones that stand out are the ones that I liked. Like vines with huge, colourful flowers that take up all the space in my head and are still growing like mad long after their seeds took root.  photo IMG_5284_zpsf25962ba.jpg I think back to January 1, 2013. I had lists. Things I wanted to accomplish and experience and people I wanted to meet and places I wanted to go. People who knew me well probably knew the things on my lists because I talked about them often. It had little things on it (spend time in New York City) and bigger things (sell my "art" in a real store) and vague things (do stuff I've never done before) and irrational things (hang out with Jian Ghomeshi) and full-fledged, all-my-heart desires (feel a baby kicking inside me).   photo 81BAB20D-6DD7-437B-ACF9-42676EDC5337-609-00000064BC238B4D_zps84c20664.jpg It was surreal when I started mentally crossing these exact, random things off my list, one by one. Sitting in La Bodega beside Jian Ghomeshi trying desperately to make small talk, laying in Central Park under a tree with my shoes off, walking onto the set of the cable show for the first time, interviewing bands at the Junos and CMW with a shaky little voice, selling stuff to my favourite stationary shop and having it sell out within weeks. Seeing that little pink plus sign after three years of negatives.   photo C3645A4D-3999-439B-AD7D-9D465EEB59C9-12751-0000066EA8E14994_zpse9890eac.jpg They came like presents with bows on them, one after another. I knew I hadn't really earned them or done much of anything at all to make them come, so all I could do was be thankful out of my brains and enjoy them.   photo IMG_4862_zps863c1964.jpg And now, 2013 is over. 2014 was ushered in at exactly midnight, not a second late or early. It could be another year of highs, or a year full of lows, or one that zig-zags crazily all over the charts and gives me grey hairs.

Whatever it looks like, I want to do it well. I don't want to waste the learning parts or forget to be thankful for the good parts or wish away the quiet parts, because I'm sure that every part has a reason.

18 comments:

  1. 2013 *was* pretty rad for you, wasn't it? I hope 2014 brings you more joy than you can fathom. :)

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    1. thanks jen! i hope the same for you.. :)

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  2. well, for whatever 2014 may bring, i hope it enriches our lives. for the good or the bad :)

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  3. Beautifully written, my friend. Amen.

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  4. This just made me so, so, so incredibly happy for you.
    And so hopeful. Thank you for making me feel hopeful today.

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    1. thanks sarah! :) you're so sweet. thanks for being so sweet.

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  5. I love "thankful out of my brains" as a descriptor....I know that feeling well. So glad the year was a happy one for you!

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    1. thanks julie! :) it's a good feeling to be familiar with...

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  6. I'm glad somebody had a good 2013...especially somebody as cool as you, Suzy. But I gave 2013 the finger at midnight and I'm soooo loving 2014 already. Happy New Year, friend ;-)

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    1. aw! well i really hope 2014 is everything for you that 2013 wasn't.

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  7. Happy New Year sweetpea! Glad 2013 was so kind to you, hope 2014 follows suit! :)

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    1. happy new year back!! i hope your 2014 is equally sweet. :)

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  8. I know I'm a whole month late (I'm doing my, "Hey! I have no kids to care for and I'm going to catch up Suzy's blog instead of do my dishes!" gig.)

    But I really like this post. I'm so happy that you're now holding your sweet baby that you've longed for. In years when I had baby's I made my New Years Resolution to: have a baby. That's all. Because who knows what to expect when a brand new, completely dependent human being enters your life? I hope you're going easy on yourself, and I hope he's being sweet to you, and I hope this year, when all is said and done, will be one of your most beautiful!

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    1. so true... i have no idea what to expect! my world has already been flipped on its head... it's pretty sweet so far though.

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  9. Grr. Just noticed before I hit "publish" that I wrote "baby's" instead of "babies". Let it go, Justine...

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