So this is the new year, and I have no resolutions.
It seems like 2013 wasn't very nice to a lot of my friends. My Facebook news feed is full of "Good riddance!"-es and "So happy to leave that year behind!"-s. I feel kind of like that one person walking out of the movie theatre after seeing a movie they just loved while everyone around them is talking about how horrible it was.
Because I really quite appreciated 2013.
I've never really been a "year" person. I mean, how could a whole year be deemed, in its entirety, either good or bad? I've had single days that were good and then bad and then great and then horrible and then awesome and then miserable. And a year has 365 days in it.
But there was something different and strange and sweet about this one. Not that there weren't hard or sad or scary moments. Just that, when I look back on it, those moments seem distant and dried up and unimportant, and the ones that stand out are the ones that I liked. Like vines with huge, colourful flowers that take up all the space in my head and are still growing like mad long after their seeds took root.
I think back to January 1, 2013. I had lists. Things I wanted to accomplish and experience and people I wanted to meet and places I wanted to go. People who knew me well probably knew the things on my lists because I talked about them often. It had little things on it (spend time in New York City) and bigger things (sell my "art" in a real store) and vague things (do stuff I've never done before) and irrational things (hang out with Jian Ghomeshi) and full-fledged, all-my-heart desires (feel a baby kicking inside me).
It was surreal when I started mentally crossing these exact, random things off my list, one by one. Sitting in La Bodega beside Jian Ghomeshi trying desperately to make small talk, laying in Central Park under a tree with my shoes off, walking onto the set of the cable show for the first time, interviewing bands at the Junos and CMW with a shaky little voice, selling stuff to my favourite stationary shop and having it sell out within weeks. Seeing that little pink plus sign after three years of negatives.
They came like presents with bows on them, one after another. I knew I hadn't really earned them or done much of anything at all to make them come, so all I could do was be thankful out of my brains and enjoy them.
And now, 2013 is over. 2014 was ushered in at exactly midnight, not a second late or early. It could be another year of highs, or a year full of lows, or one that zig-zags crazily all over the charts and gives me grey hairs.
Whatever it looks like, I want to do it well. I don't want to waste the learning parts or forget to be thankful for the good parts or wish away the quiet parts, because I'm sure that every part has a reason.