2. Write stuff down. Stuff you need to do. Stuff you don't want to forget. Stuff you think is funny. Write in journals and on your blog and on sticky notes and on the back of your hand. You're always saying, "I'll have to remember that," but you're never remembering any of the things you're saying that about.
3. You don't have to be so offended all the time. Everybody says stupid things because nobody has experienced everything and even if they have experienced something, they haven't necessarily experienced it from your physical/emotional vantage point. It's good to calm down and stop looking for things to get worked up over.
4. Instagram can actually be a pretty helpful self-monitoring tool. Go to your profile page and scroll down. If the pictures are all of the same thing, person, or place, maybe you could try something/hang out with someone/go somewhere new. If you can't go somewhere different, maybe try noticing something different about where you are. Try to take a completely different picture every day for a week. It's not like it's wrong for you to post a million pictures of your living room; I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that this is a pretty simple way to see if you're in a rut or not, and a fun way to try to climb out of it if you are.
5. Drink more water. Eat more chocolate. I mean cake. I mean spinach.