Tuesday, March 03, 2015

{reality reality}

What happened today was the closest I will ever come to being on America's Next Top Model.

Just, it wasn't so much a reality TV show as it was a podcast. And it wasn't a competition based on looks so much as it was an...app contest. So basically it was the furthest I will ever be from being on America's Next Top Model.

But it was truly exhilarating, you guys. TRULY.

I was picking Barclay up from work when the results from that contest went live on the Applits website - in the form of a 45 minute-long podcast wherein they discussed all of the top 5 ideas in great detail, voted, and then revealed the winner. At this point, I was fairly positive that I wasn't going to win - life is always easier if you're a pessimist about everything - and I was very ready for it to just be over. Largely because I've been feeling like a pretty huge nerd every time the whole thing comes up in conversation.

(I have really classy friends who have titles like 'Doctor' and 'Nurse' and 'Social Worker' and 'Personal Trainer' and 'Architect' and 'Librarian' and so on. And I'm like, "Well I have a blog. Plus I recently entered this contest online... Yeah, a contest. Like a colouring contest, like what children do, except this one's for grown adults...it's uh...pretty cool... You can vote for me if... Never mind. What were you saying about your professional career that pays you, like, actual money?")

So anyway, I pushed play and set my iPhone in the cup holder and we listened as we drove home together.

And it was so weird. Hearing this panel of judges talk about me and judge my idea, and say out loud my name and things that I wrote... Just strange.

I began to feel like I should be doing those little side interviews that people do on reality TV competitions. I'd be in a room with a black Applits backdrop and I'd be looking all nervous and saying something like, "Yeah, I don't know what's gonna happen. I've really done all I can do, now we just have to wait and see what the judges say about it..." And then they'd try and bait me to trash talk the other contestants, but I wouldn't do it. Because I'm classy. But I don't mind telling you that none of them want this as much as me. And I don't think they're here for the right reasons. And (please cue the sad music) I have a sob story about why I deserve to win and how I'm doing this for my family, not for myself, and I've wanted this and only this since I was, like, three...

No, you watch too much reality TV.


We took the long way home so we could listen to the very end where they announced the winner. Like I said, I never was expecting to make it to this point so I wasn't too heavily invested in it, but I was still jumping up and down in my seat by the end. It was just like that season finale of American Idol... Except, again, nothing like that season finale of American Idol.

I know, as with everything that I put out on social media, that this is infinitely more interesting to me than to any of you, but just FYI in case you feel like living vicariously through me and feeling like a big nerd for a few minutes: they discuss me starting at 14:06, and then again at the end when the voting happens (37:19).