Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The Bean Has Power

The power has been going out a lot lately in my city. It's been missing us mostly, but this week we've lost ours twice, both around the same time in the early morning.

Sask Power has commented on the outages, saying that it has something to do with wildlife. Squirrels and large birds 'interacting with the equipment at a substation'. Everyone's like, "Oh, okay, that makes sense," but I want to know what's up with the squirrels and large birds in this city that they suddenly seem to be attempting suicide en masse at 6:30 AM every morning. Like, is this a city-wide animal morale problem? Also, is there a pile of fried squirrels somewhere?

The power went out this morning again, 6:30 AM, right on schedule (RIP little buddy, whoever and whatever you were). I was about to walk out the door to hit up the Bean (it's Wednesday! Bean Day!) for my precious coffee and writing hours, when there was a sound like someone moving heavy furniture across the roof of our house and everything went dark. My first thought was, "Again?" and my second thought was "THE GARAGE DOOR OPENER IS NOT GOING TO WORK, I'M PRETTY SURE."

I was trapped. I could not go to the Naked Bean for coffee and writing time.

THE WORST. Capital letters THE WORST.

I can live without the microwave. I can sit in a darkened room. I can even go for a whole entire day without charging my phone. But I look forward to Wednesday mornings the way that a little kid looks forward to Christmas. Imagine a five year-old waking up on December 25 only to find that the presents have all been returned and the tree is in flames in the front yard and his dad is standing in front of it hoisting a can of gasoline over his head, laughing maniacally and yelling, "CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED! FOREVERRRRRRR!!!"

That's kind of how I felt this morning at 6:30 when the power went out.

I pouted.

I checked Twitter, today's premium source for timely, accurate news, to see if the power was out across half the city as it had been on Monday or if it was just my unlucky neighbourhood this time. Some guy was tweeting angrily at Sask Power about how he felt like he was living in a third world country. The power had been out for exactly three minutes.

I stopped pouting. I did not want to grow up to be the kind of person who felt so entitled to the privileges of modern convenience that I said things like that publicly. Plus, come on, Guy, innocent squirrels are frying all around you and all you care about is your breakfast and morning coffee? Grow some empathy.

Barclay came into the kitchen then, summoned by my heartbrokenness which he can sense from a mile away. It turned him into a kind, doting version of the hulk and he broke into the garage through the old, padlocked side door (a thing we have not attempted yet in the two years that we've lived here) and opened the garage door manually, effectively saving the day. I was so happy. He warned me that the Naked Bean, as it is in sort of the same neighbourhood as us, might not have power either and I said I'd let him know, and then I grabbed my laptop and jumped into my car and drove off into the sunrise. I felt so liberated.

I sent him two texts when I got to the Bean and found that the power was on. I said, "Thanks for setting me free," and, "The Bean has power."

And I had to laugh when I reread them a minute later, because don't they make me sound like I've joined some kind of wonky religion or something? Or maybe I'm just in that kind of mood where you're so relieved about something that everything is funny? Either way, I'm sitting by myself in a coffee shop grinning like an idiot.

Happy Wednesday, everybody. Let's keep the little squirrel families in our thoughts as we go about our days today.

5 comments:

  1. This made me laugh! I'll be sure to take some time out to empathise with those poor, suicidal squirrels today too. xxx
    http://aminorityofonelunacy.blogspot.co.uk/

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  2. Yes to this: "I stopped pouting. I did not want to grow up to be the kind of person who felt so entitled to the privileges of modern convenience that I said things like that publicly."

    Well said!

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  3. Oh man, I can't imagine losing baby free time for any reason. I'd probably pout really loudly. I'm glad you got it despite the power issues :)

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  4. You consistently make me laugh aloud, Suzy.

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  5. What does it say about me that the first thing I thought of when you wrote "The Bean has power" is a reference to the Veggie Tales movie Lord of the Beans which is a spoof of Lord of the Rings? I'm not only a Tolkien geek but a uncool Veggie Tales geek too!! ;)

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