Tuesday, November 03, 2015

Why I'm Never Going to Clean Anything Ever Again

I cleaned the house yesterday and it turned out to be a bad idea.

I vacuumed the floors and washed them. I wiped the mirror in the bathroom. Scrubbed the toilet. Even filled the tea kettle with vinegar to get rid of whatever gets into tea kettles over time. I thought I'd let it sit for an hour or so while I did some laundry and then pour it out and give it a good wash. And then I forgot about it, because I always forget about everything.

Things Barclay Made With The Vinegar in the Kettle Without Realizing It Was Vinegar And Not, In Fact, Water:

1. A Bodum of coffee
2. Hot lemon 'water' for his wife
3. Porridge for Sullivan

A Conversation We Had As Barclay Left for Work This Morning:

"Did you, by any chance, dump the kettle and fill it with new water before using the stuff that was in there?"
"No, why?"

So this is actually a story about how I drank an entire cup of vinegar this morning and somehow didn't even notice.

I mean, it's not really that I didn't notice. There was one point where I thought to myself, vaguely, as I stood in the middle of the kitchen half asleep, "This water tastes like cleaning supplies." But then I drank it anyway even though it burned my throat as it went down. A testament to how tired I am, and also to how much I didn't want to hurt Barclay's feelings by telling him that he wasn't very good at making lemon water.

This is also a story about how Barclay had a friend over and served him coffee made with vinegar instead of water and how his friend politely drank his entire cup and didn't even bat an eye (this house is just crawling with polite people lately). But Barclay drank his whole cup too and simply thought, "Why did Suzy buy dark roast beans this time? She never buys the dark roast."

Shrug. Gulp, gulp, gulp.

Sullivan was the only one who noticed, pushing away his bowl of porridge without making much of a dent in it, a confused look on his tiny little prune face.

We're going to have to teach him how to be polite, like us.