Monday, January 25, 2016


My stomach spoke. It said, “I just want to eat everything.”

And I said, “How about a peach?”

And it said, “Yeah right. How about something buttery? How about something salty? How about something decadent or spicy? Something loud, something crunchy, something belligerent that’ll mosh around in your mouth setting off every taste bud like a laser beam security system in a jewelry store.” It was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Do you have anything like that? Can you deep-fry macaroni and wrap it in bacon and dunk it in a vat of jalapeño cheese?”

I said, “You think I have a vat of jalapeño cheese just kicking around?”

My stomach shrugged, which felt funny.

I went to the fridge, because my stomach wanted me to and my stomach is like that girl in grade nine that can pretty much talk you into anything because you want to be her even though you don’t really like her as a person. I said, “See? This is what we’ve got.” 

My stomach grumbled.

I pulled out asparagus and mushrooms. I said, “This is healthy. This will make you feel better without making me feel worse.” 

My stomach said, “Okay. But bread it. Bread it in butter and flour and salt.”

I said, “Or we could have a peach?” 

My stomach said, “No. We couldn’t.”

I could’ve written this blog post in one sentence. It would’ve said, “Yesterday, I had breaded asparagus and mushrooms for supper with a side of cheesy spaghetti.” 

But whatever. 


  1. I'm so glad you didn't write this in one sentence.
    This was a riot, and I love your stomach.

    1. Hahahaha, I love that you love my stomach. What a great comment to wake up to.

  2. What Callie said - I need to make more conversation with the inanimate things in my life. Makes for a more hilarious blog post.

    1. Just make sure you do it very quietly, or the other people in the room will think you're unhinged. ;)

  3. I so love your writing, thanks for sharing your gift even this tiny bit

  4. Does your stomach also have a blog? A cooking blog perhaps? I'm asking for a friend. (My stomach. Who wants the recipe for cheesy spaghetti and maybe also for breaded peaches.)


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