Sunday, May 29, 2016

The Life of a Mediocre Juggler

I'm not a terrible metaphorical juggler.

(I'm an awful literal one, but it's not a skill set I'm all that sorry to miss out on.)

But as a word picture to describe how I am at keeping all the proverbial balls in the air? I don't stink. I'm not exceptional, like most of my friends appear to be - I can't, say, juggle flaming batons while riding a unicycle across a tightrope (this is how I see anyone who has more than one child or works a full-time job or has a clean house not just when they're expecting company*). I don't do swords and I don't do any kind of fancy behind-the-back-under-the-leg tricks. I can't even juggle more than two or three balls at a time, if I'm being honest - but I feel like I'm consistently trying, consistently doing the basic throw-catch-throw-catch-throw-catch...

This week, I dropped all the balls. All of them. I lost my debit card, first of all, and in looking for it discovered that I'd also lost Sullivan's health card. This made me extremely anxious - what other cards were in my wallet that aren't anymore? And where did they go?

And then I locked myself out of my car, downtown, with Sullivan in my arms, five minutes before nap time, only a few hours before we were supposed to leave town for a funeral. I was supposed to be down there getting my debit card replaced (I forgot to, in the end, and went a solid week without any money). And then I tried to call Barclay for help and my phone ran out of batteries before I could tell him where I was (other than "downtown"). Upon arriving back in town after an exhausting weekend, I completely forgot about an important commitment and a coffee date. My kitchen piled up with plates and pots and pans and mixing bowls, and dust bunnies began to burst forth from every nook and cranny - the large, cranky kind of dust bunny, the kind with teeth and claws. They did not come bearing chocolate eggs in pretty pastel baskets. Suddenly, I discovered that we owned all of the clothes in the world and they were all dirty, overflowing from laundry hampers I didn't even know existed. All the weeds in the yard began to rally together in an attempt to overthrow me and, indoors, Sullivan's toys did the same. I suspect there may have been some communication between the two, an alliance, if you will. That's what I get for opening the windows to let some fresh air in.

To top it all off? I had a book deadline on Friday, but in my head it was Sunday. I got a text from my boss (heyyyy, Ashlee) on Friday night at 10 pm, all like, "Hey, Suzy, where are all these thousands of words you said you'd send me?"

I was like, "What day is it, even?" She was super kind about it, and I made it by the skin of my teeth (ew, what a terrible expression), but still. It was dumb of me.

Such is the life of a mediocre juggler, I guess. Picture it with me: We're some kind of street troupe, all busking together on a sidewalk. My friends are throwing swords and kittens and full glass jugs of milk in the air while simultaneously standing on their heads and jumping rope and eating breakfast. And then I'm there with three squishy red balls on the ground in front of me, looking terribly confused. That's the state of things right now.

And now you may be asking yourself, "What is the point of this blog post other than a shameless cry for pity?"

There is none. Please pity me. That's all.


* This week, I asked Sullivan to help me clean the living room and he said, "Why? Are we having company?"

14 comments:

  1. *whispers* Our home is so filthy I've just arranged for a cleaner to come and blitz it tomorrow. This is a slippery slope towards actually HAVING a cleaner. WHO AM I?!

    (but I loved this post)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. I could never hire a cleaner because I have such a specific way of cleaning things...
      I am a little bit neurotic.
      But if I were not, I'd do it too. Especially this week. And I wouldn't even feel bad.

      Delete
  2. Tell me more about this book deadline, please! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will! I'm going to write a blog post about it. I probably shouldn't have alluded to it beforehand, but it was so relevant...

      But soon! Like, Wednesday!

      Delete
    2. Or I could just tell you in the email I'm about to write you anyway...

      Delete
  3. Oh gosh. That is rough. I'd bring you a pity doughnut if I could. That Sully is a smart one. (Do you call him Sully or is this just another example of me obnoxiously giving people nicknames)? Company is my biggest motivator when it comes to housekeeping. Would you believe that on multiple occasions I volunteered to host a small group for my church largely so I knew the bathroom would be scrubbed and the floors swept on a regular basis? No shame. Also the most helpful advice I've ever heard regarding balance (or metaphorical juggling, I suppose) is to think of it as a long-term thing. Like how are you managing things over the course of a month, or a year, or several years? Made me feel more relaxed about the fact that at any given moment I'm dropping the ball in at least four or five different ways. Hang in there. Emailing you virtual doughnuts (music recs!) now. Hope next week is gentler with you. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We do call him Sully! And I would LOVE a doughnut - actually, I'm covered in that department though. A friend came over on Friday and brought me a whole BAG of doughnuts. Homemade ones. Like, her grandma made them. At home. THE BEST.

      So, you know, song recs. I will take those.

      And I love your long term balance advice. I like that a lot. Thank you.

      Delete
    2. Amazing. Can I borrow your friend for a minute?

      Delete
  4. That last *Sullivan-remark just cracked me up.

    stephanie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, it was one of those moments where you're like, "OH NO WHAT DID I TEACH YOU?"

      Delete
  5. Whenever I have weeks like that I sing, "where is my mind? where is my mind? waaaaayyyyy oooouuutttt in the water" (Pixies song) to myself because it sums up all my feelings pretty perfectly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES. That is my song this week. Have you ever heard the piano version by....wait... ugh...who? Maxence Cyrin, I think? It's quite sad sounding. I love it, of course.

      Delete
  6. I like the picture I get in my head about what an alliance would look like between outdoor weeds and indoor children's toys. I've also never loved the "by the skin of my teeth" expression - skin does not belong on teeth. Ever. Gross.

    What a week, Suzy. Way to make it through and be over with that one!

    (And, I loved Sullivan's question about company - ha!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cat! And yes, skin and teeth in the same sentence even...just...

      Delete

Say anything you want. It doesn't even have to be relevant.