Wednesday, May 16, 2018

A Comprehensive Breakdown of All the Imaginary People Who are Living or Who Have Lived or Been in My House

Sullivan has a lot of imaginary friends; I have a hard time keeping them all straight but he doesn't. I have decided to make a list for future reference for myself and for current reference for you, in case you care.

I am consulting with Sully as I write this.

(He just told me that he actually wants me to refer to him as Sullivan in this post going forward, as he likes names that end in N better than names that end in EEE. So. Okay.)

So, you've heard about Jemano, the carrot cutter. Except he quit his job as a carrot cutter and got a different job as a cheese grater. Then, he quit his job as a cheese grater and got a different job as a baseball player. He plays right field for the New York Yankees and his best friend is Aaron Judge.

Then there are Myles and Charlie, who were in Sullivan's band. They were hit by a car last month ("both of them at the same time, Mom"), and are now, in Sullivan's own words, "sleeping in the hospital forever." That's sad, but at least I know he knows the importance of checking both ways before crossing the street.

Next, we have Stadefani, Stef, and Stephanie. They all work at a coffee shop together. Stef is a man. The coffee shop's name is Coworker. Stephanie is the most recent hire; before she worked at Coworker, she didn't work anywhere because she "didn't have the tools." Then she got the tools.

Mario and Raligi are some of Sullivan's oldest friends; they've been around for over a year. They were in his band too, and they lived with us for a while, but when Scarlett came they moved down the street. They bought a baby from Baby Centre (who, I am told, gets its babies in bulk from Costco), but the baby grew up literally overnight and they sent it to live with their friend, Mark, next door. Then they moved to Chicago, where they tried a variety of interesting jobs such as door-making, flower-smelling, and taxi-driving, before moving back to Regina, much to Sullivan's great delight. Now they work at the chocolate hospital, as doctors. Raligi recently offered a position to Sullivan there, and his job is to keep the children in their rooms. Sometimes I'll ask Sully to do something for me (clean his room, pick something up, whatever), and he'll pull his imaginary phone out of his pocket and check it and roll his eyes and say, "Sorry, can't, Mom. Raligi needs me at the chocolate hospital. The children are getting out of their rooms."

Lastly, we have Mr. Mark and Mr. Bulb. Mr. Mark is kind, but Mr. Bulb will burn your eyes out. Don't look at Mr. Bulb.

Sullivan has wandered off, so this blog post is over for now. I think we covered everyone though. I'll be sure to keep you updated on our growing household.